Dear Blank, Sincerely Blank
by ImmaLeafOnTheWindWatchMeSoar
Summary: Done by WritingIsGroovyMutation and I, First Class Edition. Heavy swearing.


**Hey, Alex L here. I've got the first High School AU chapter in the works, but meanwhile, something WritingIsAGroovyMutation and I have started... Italicized is yours truly.**

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><p>Dear fangirls,<br>Stop with the fingers on the temple, because that's MY thing!  
>Sincerely, Charles.<p>

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><p><em>Dear Mathew Vaughn,<em>  
><em>It's my understanding that it's your fault all of me and Charles' scenes were left out. WHAT THE FUCK?<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Erik Lehnsherr<em>

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><p>Dear Matthew Vaughn,<br>You fucker! Why did you leave out all the hot yaoi scenes? Bastard...  
>Sincerely, Raven and Sean, the fangirl and fanboy<p>

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><p><em>Dear Charles and Erik,<em>  
><em>Please. Everyone knows chess is code for 'Let's go fuck each other's brains out'.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Sean, Hank, Alex, Raven, and Moira.<em>

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><p>Dear Raven, Hank, Alex, Sean, and Moira,<br>We make chess a separate activity, and we're the only ones who can make it as hot as making out.  
>Sincerely, Charles and Erik<p>

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><p><em>Dear Erik and Charles,<em>  
><em>We'd like to point out we are in no way trying to offend you.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Sean and Hank.<em>

_Dear Sean and Hank,_  
><em>Traitors.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven, and Moira.<em>

_Dear Sean and Hank,_  
><em>In appreciation for your politeness, we've decided to be lenient in your punishment. The rest of you are not as lucky.<em>  
><em>Sincerely (mostly) Erik, and (not as much) Charles.<em>

_Dear (mostly) Erik, and (not as much) Charles,_  
><em>You are a bastard.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven and Moira.<em>

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><p>Dear Alex, Raven, and Moira,<br>For your information, my parents were married.  
>Sincerely, Erik<p>

Dear Alex, Raven, and Moira,  
>You're making fun of a paralyzed person now? Hm, guess I'll have to tell Erik...<br>Sincerely, Charles

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><p><em>Dear Erik,<em>  
><em>Pardon our French, but you are an asshole.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven, and Moira<em>

_Dear Charles,_  
><em>It was meant solely for Erik.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven and Moira<em>

_Dear Charles and Erik,_  
><em>Sean's been gone for a while now. You should probably find him before he breaks something.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven, and Moira<em>

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><p>Dear Alex, Raven, and Moira,<br>Fuck off.  
>Sincerely, Erik<p>

Dear Alex, Raven, and Moira,  
>Oh dear, we'll go find him!<br>Sincerely, (mostly) Charles and (not really) Erik

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><p><em>Dear Erik,<em>  
><em>We will if you will.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex, Raven, and Moira<em>

_Dear (mostly) Charles and (not really) Erik,_  
><em>Don't tell the others, but I'm alive! I'm just hiding, because they're still mad about my betrayal...<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Definitley Not Sean<em>

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><p>Dear Alex, Raven, and Moira,<br>Oh, I already have someone doing that for me, so you must go do it.  
>Sincerely, Erik<p>

Dear Definitely Not Sean,  
>We won't.<br>Sincerely, (mostly) Charles and (not really) Erik

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><p><em>Dear Erik,<em>  
><em>You're disgusting. We all knew you and Charles were screwing but ew, you don't have to advertise it!<em>  
><em>Sincerely, a most disgusted group consisting of Alex, Raven, and Moira<em>

_Dear Charles,_  
><em>Definitely Not Sean is lying. He's on his way to the airport. You should probably sic Erik's Nazi-hunting skills on him. (He broke several vases)<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not A Snitch And Not Hank Either<em>

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><p>Dear the most disgusted group consisting of Alex, Raven, and Moira,<br>Raven, I know you just screamed like one of those psychopathic fangirls, quit lying.  
>Alex, suck it up.<br>Moira, just... go fuck yourself if you can't deal with the jealousy.  
>Sincerely, the smug smartass named Erik<p>

Dear Not A Snitch And Not Hank Either,  
>I will sic Erik on Sean, and where are you?<br>Sincerely, Charles

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><p><em>Dear Smug Bastard,<em>  
><em>Okay, so maybe it was just me that was disgusted. But can you blame me? I mean geez! Sean and I are the only ones not getting action! Which makes sense for Sean, seeing as he's a ginger, but me? WTF?<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex<em>

_Dear Erik,_  
><em>Shut up and go play 'chess'.<em>  
><em>Sincerely Squeeing Raven and Pissed Off Moira<em>

_Dear Not A Snitch And Not Hank Either,_  
><em>What the hell, man? I thought we were allies!<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not A Ginger<em>

_Dear Charles,_  
><em>I'm not telling cos if you know something then Erik will know too.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not A Snitch and Not Hank Either<em>

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><p>Dear Alex,<br>Grow a pair and deal with it, you little punk.  
>Sincerely smug bastard (definitely Erik)<p>

Dear Squeeing Raven and Pissed Off Moira,  
>Raven, go snog Hank or something.<br>Moira, go die in a hole or I put a bullet through your face, it's your choice.  
>Sincerely, Erik<p>

Dear Not A Ginger,  
>We WERE allies until you lied to Raven about me... um... I didn't even pleasure myself in the shower, you jerk!<br>Sincerely, Definitely Not Hank At All

Dear Not A Snitch And Not Hank Either,  
>Remind me again, why are you avoiding Erik?<br>I don't think Erik would care even if I DID bother to tell him, because he's too busy dealing with Alex, Raven, and Moira.  
>Sincerely The Bloody Professor Who Demands To Know Where You Are Since He's Your Legal Guardian, You Crazy Teenager<p>

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><p><em>Dear Smug Bastard,<em>  
><em>Well at the very least, I'm a lot closer to having a pair, you fucking psycho. How mom can deal with you is beyond me.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Alex<em>

_Dear Erik,_  
><em>Fuck you. Just shut up and go fuck the professor or something. You bastard.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Moira<em>

_Dear Definitely Not Hank At All,_  
><em>Hey, gingers don't lie man. And it's not my fault your girlfriend doesn't take kindly to the fact that you were jerking off.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not A Ginger<em>

_Dear The Bloody Professor Who Demands To Know Where You Are Since He's Your Legal Guardian, You Crazy Teenager,_  
><em>I've locked myself in the labs. But if you or anyone comes near, so help me, I will rip all your heads off. Because now, I can.<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not Blue and Furry, A Snitch, Nor Hank<em>

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><p>Dear Alex,<br>Fuck off, you little dickbrain.  
>Sincerely, Definitely Still Smug Erik<p>

Dear Moira,  
>Oh, remember, I already have Charles fucking me... in fact, we just finished.<br>Sincerely, Just Laid Erik

Dear Not A Ginger,  
>You liar! I can't believe you did this!<br>Sincerely, I Hope You're Happy I'm Bawling

Dear Not Blue and Furry, A Snitch, Nor Hank,  
>Alright, alright, I'll tell everyone to leave you alone.<br>Would you like some Twinkies?  
>Oh, and Sean snitched and told me you were crying after saying that he was lying when he told Raven you were pleasuring yourself.<br>Sincerely, The Sympathetic Professor Who Desperately Wants To Give You A Hug

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><p><em>Dear Definitely Smug Erik,<em>  
><em>I will if you will. I MEAN DAMN IT, HALF THE SILVERWARE IN THE KITCHEN HAS BEEN DESTROYED THANKS TO YOU TWO!<em>  
><em>Sincerely, An Angry Little Dickbrain<em>

_Dear Erik,_  
><em>God damn it you don't know when to stop! I DON'T NEED TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR RECENTLY ACTIVE SEX LIFE!<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Moira<em>

_Dear I Hope Your Happy, I'm Bawling,_  
><em>I'm gonna get killed for this but... IT WAS ALEX!<em>  
><em>Sincerely, A Dead Ginger<em>

_Dear The Sympathetic Professor Who Desperately Wants To Give You A Hug,_  
><em>Thanks. *sniff* Raven's been giving me the silent treatment... *whimpers longingly for Raven and twinkies*<em>  
><em>Sincerely, Not Blue And Furry, A Snitch, Nor Hank<em>

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><p>Dear An Angry Little Dickbrain,<br>Fine, I'll go think about Charles so much, he'll be unable to control whether or not he projects all over the damn house. I like the silverware the way it is, because it always reminds me of Charles.  
>Sincerely, A Perverted Guy In A Tuxedo Who Looks Sexy<p>

Dear Moira,  
>Well, too bad, because I enjoy bragging... like about all the silverware bent out of shape and how much it reminds me of Charles.<br>Another thing, prepare for thoughts projected by Charles from me, because to you, they will either make you want to maul Charles and have sex with him for hours, or make you want to kill me.  
>Sincerely, Erik<p>

Dear A Dead Ginger,  
>You won't be dead, because I'll kill Alex first.<br>Sincerely, A Pissed Beast

Dear Not Blue And Furry, A Snitch, Nor Hank,  
>I'll talk to Raven, and I'll slip you some Twinki-<br>... OH MY FUCKING GOD... OH, JESUS, ERIK! OH GOD, PROMISE ME YOU'LL DO THAT LATER-OH FUCK!  
>Ahem... oh, lord, did I just say all of that in this message? Um... just ignore it, Erik's thinking-JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH... JESUS, OH... THAT'S HOT... GOD...<br>I'm going to shut up now before anything else happ-FUCK, ERIK!  
>Sincerely, Very Aroused Charles<p>

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><p>And so it begins...<p> 


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